Love Lawyer Q&A

Topic: Relationship Advice

James R., Montpelier, VT:

“I have been dating this incredible and sexy woman for five years. I am madly in love with her and cannot imagine my life without her. I have previously been married. She is 28 years old and I am 56 years old. She has never been married. When we first started dating, I informed her that I did not want children. She said that she agreed, was a career woman and did not want children. We have been discussing marriage and she recently told me that she changed her mind and decided that she wants to have children. She gave me an ultimatum and said she is moving on if I will not marry her and have at least one child. I do not want to have a child but I do not want to lose her. What do I do? “

The Love Lawyer:

Did you ask if she will settle for a puppy? It would be extremely selfish for you to try to change her mind in order to satisfy your needs. If she stayed with you, she would eventually detest you no matter how much she loved you. Likewise, if you do marry her and have a child and it is not what you really want, you will resent her and the child. You really need to do some soul searching and determine if you possibly want to attend your child’s high school graduation in Depends. If not, you must let her go.

Topic: Relationship Advice

Brother G., Chicago, IL:

“I have been thinking about having more kids. I already have one which resulted in a crazy custody case. He lives with me now and I was thinking about having some siblings for him. I have been dating an 11-year-younger woman who is ready for kids and shows a lot of attention to my son. What do you think? Should I just keep what I have and forget about the rest, or take a chance and see what happens? I just don’t want to get married. “

The Love Lawyer:

Perhaps you should call the psychic network and see if they are having a sale on child-rearing readings? If you are truly desirous of having more children without the strings attached, then research adoption alternatives or a surrogate to give birth to the child. If you cannot make up your mind, consider having more child-oriented parties and play dates for your son. You can also enlist nieces and nephews to widen your son’s sphere of family and friends. The parties and presence of more children will either cause you to schedule a vasectomy or to decide to have more children, whether biological or adopted.

Topic: Relationship Advice

Toni C., San Diego, CA::

“I have been dating this great guy for about three months. He is smart, funny, super-sexy and we get along great. I am 35 and he is 54. I want my friends and my guy to enjoy hanging out together, but my friends are all pretty opposed to the relationship due to the age difference. I say that age does not matter if I am happy and he treats me like a princess, but they just keep seeing his age as a number. What do you think I should do?“

The Love Lawyer:

Get new friends. Age is a state of mind and irrelevant. If he is kind and possesses all the important qualities you respect in a potential partner, pursue the relationship. Three months is not sufficient time to truly determine if you found your soul mate, so just have fun and see what happens. If your friends are not as happy for you as they should be, then they do not have your best interests at heart and never will.

Topic: Prenuptial Agreements

Amanda T., Callensburg, PA:

“If I get a prenuptial agreement, can my fiancée and I put in there what religion our kids are going to be raised?“

The Love Lawyer:

You can put the language in the prenuptial agreement but the court may not enforce the terms of the agreement with respect to religious issues concerning children. When deciding a dispute about religious upbringing, courts might consider any oral or written parenting agreements that the couple previously made about how to handle the children’s religious upbringing. Sometimes the court will say that the agreement is too vague. For example, many agreements fail to specify the degree and number of years of religious training and/or how often the child will attend services and other religious events. Depending on the length of the marriage, the court may choose not to enforce the provision because the agreement is too old. The court may also be reluctant to trample on an individual’s First Amendment rights. The court would rather look at the best interests of the children at the time of the divorce than monitor the terms of the agreement.

Topic: Relationship Advice

Amanda T., Callensburg, PA:

“My fiancé doesn’t like to have sex. What can I do to change his mind?“

The Love Lawyer:

Honey, if he does not like to have sex before you are married, you are in serious trouble and will be living the life of a nun during the marriage. Either your fiancé has some underlying sexual abuse issues or he had a sex change and never told you. A wise idea would be to seek out a couple’s sex therapist and also ask your fiancé to engage in couple’s counseling. If this does not work, you need to make some important life decisions. Having to coerce someone into having sex will just serve to lower your self-esteem and make you feel less desirable. Consider this before you walk down the wedding aisle into the convent of hell.

Topic: Prenuptial Agreements

Sandy P., Barrington, RI:

“When my fiancé and I were engaged, I was employed at a very good job and had previously obtained several pieces of property that were valued in excess of one million dollars. My fiancé had very few assets of his own aside from a minimal pension through his union and a few thousand dollars left from a worker’s compensation settlement. We decided prior to our marriage that we would have a prenuptial agreement. I went on the Internet, found several forms and we prepared the prenuptial agreement ourselves. We had it notarized at a bank, in the presence of my parents and then got married about two months later. Fast forward five years and we are in the middle of a vicious divorce. My soon-to-be ex-scumbag of a husband is arguing that the prenuptial agreement is invalid and that he is entitled to half of all of my property that I acquired through my hard work prior to our marriage. Will he be able to get our prenuptial agreement thrown out? And if he does, will he be entitled to get a part of the property that I had before our marriage? I hate this jerk! “

The Love Lawyer:

The good news is that you may be able to defeat him with or without a prenuptial agreement. The bad news is that a penny saved is not a penny earned. The money you thought you saved by drafting the prenuptial agreement yourself will undoubtedly cost you five times more in the divorce process just for your lawyer to assert that the prenuptial agreement is valid.

The first inquiry is whether the prenuptial agreement meets the requirements of the Uniform Premarital Act. Some examples of the requirements are: Did you have full disclosure of your assets and liabilities and was it executed voluntarily and without duress or coercion? If it meets these requirements, your lawyer may then present a Petition for a Declaratory Judgment to the court. In this case, a Petition for a Declaratory Judgment shall request that the court make a determination that the prenuptial agreement is valid. If the court determines that the agreement is valid, you are essentially in a position to get divorced in accordance with the terms of the prenuptial agreement.

If the agreement fails to meet the requirements of the Uniform Premarital Act or you are not successful with the Petition for Declaratory Judgment, all hope is not lost. Your lawyer, with your assistance, may present evidence that the property is your non-marital property because it was acquired prior to the marriage. This approach is a bit more tedious because it is your burden to demonstrate through documents that the property was acquired prior to the marriage. In the event that you made payments during the marriage for mortgages or taxes with marital monies (such as your salary), he may be able to argue for contribution back to the marital estate. In other words, he will ask for contribution to the marital estate for marital monies paid towards your non-marital property. He can then argue that he is entitled to a portion of the contribution payment back to the marital estate. However, depending on the amount of the payments, such contribution would probably be minimal because you were only married for five years.